Disclaimer--No Baby...yet

I need to blog, I need to blog, I need to blog. O goodness I need to blog. I have not updated in forever, and soon this journey will end and another will begin. As we prepare to transition from a pregnant woman and poor man attempting to keep the pregnant woman happy to parents, we are not sure how to feel. Are we excited? Yes. Are we nervous? Yes. Are we ready? Yes. Are we unprepared? Yes. We are all these things, and are playing a waiting game.

-Baby was found head down at week 32, so luckily we have not had to worry about a breech baby.

-GD is under control with the use of insulin at night. Baby was measured last Friday at 7lbs 8oz, which means we did not have to be induced! (The doctor does not want the baby to go over 8.5lbs…so it was a great sign that baby was not in that range) Because baby did not grow as much as we thought it would, we might make it to 40 weeks! I know that sounds strange. Most pregnant women want the baby to come before their due date, but I truly believe it takes 40 weeks. Did you know that your baby’s brain is 2/3rds more developed at 40 weeks than at 37 weeks? While it is absolutely wonderful that we have the technology to take care of a 30 week baby, and a baby born at 37 is safe, developed, and beautiful, I wanted desperately, if medically possible, to carry my baby as long as he/she decided to be carried. So, I was happy when the doctor said that we could take it to 40….

-But not beyond. At 40 weeks if Cheeto has not decided to come, doctor will get the process started. While I am so nervous for an induction, I understand the difficulties and ultimately trust him. At this point I still trust my body more, and am praying that my body will start before our deadline.

-Speaking of this crazy body of mine, did you know that women have contractions weeks before they give birth?! Haha Ok, I know I had heard of Braxton Hicks, false labor, contractions happening before actual labor, but the media in our culture does not portray this aspect of pregnancy. At 36 weeks we had a Non-stress Test, which revealed I was having contractions! I could not even feel them, but Tyler told me when I was having one, so I was able to see what my body was doing if I was not feeling it. Well, those contractions, some mildly uncomfortable and some completely painless, have been around for nearly two weeks now. Sometimes they come every 5 minutes, sometimes they come once an hour, but they are always there. In the movies the woman feels a sharp, crazy intense pain, and she is off to the hospital. That is nothing like real labor (not saying I actually believed the media’s portrayal of labor).While I have made no progress according to the check up on Friday, I’m hoping these contractions are actually being productive! I guess as long as my body is doing something I should be grateful.

-We are officially cloth diaper parents! I’m pretty excited to get that cute bottom into cloth diapers. I hope it goes smoothly. I know some people might think I’m nuts for wanting a natural childbirth and cloth diapering…but I’m not sure that I care. Lol

-Speaking of natural childbirth…I think we are prepared as we are ever going to be for the experience. We’ve read books. We know the medical reasons we have chosen this path. We have taken natural birth classes. We have decided on and met with our amazing doula. Through all the learning I have developed a profound respect for my body. Women (all humans, but especially women) are wonderfully made. God made our bodies to give birth. There are so many things from hormone levels to the desire to push, that God designed. Did you know that God designed my baby’s body to participate in the process? I had no idea. I guess I figured that baby was just along for the ride, but no. God designed that baby would have a spot on his/her head that when pushed on causes he/her to push back. This means that once the baby enters the birth canal, he/she will feel pressure and start pushing in the same direction I’m pushing! We will be working together during birth. How crazy is that?! I love it. I have become a birth geek. I love to read birth stories and watch birth videos. It sounds crazy but I love what God made us to do. We are truly fearfully and wonderfully made. That being said, getting back to the point of the rant, I completely understand that this process is not cookie cutter. We are wonderfully and individually made, meaning my labor will not be like my mothers, it will not be like my friends, it will be unique to me. Every single body is different which means that every labor is different, and not always within our control. In the end my, Tyler and my Doula’s number one goal is a healthy baby. Do we believe that a completely natural delivery is the very best way for the baby to enter the world? Yes, but we want a healthy baby above all. Beyond the healthy baby, if something happens I want to have a say in my medical care and by me I mean Tyler. Poor man has a big job, I glad I’m the one in labor. He has to watch me (which I’m sure will not be easy, I know I hate watching him be in pain) and be my advocate. I will be in no state to make choices, so he has to make the choices he thinks I would make. He will be my voice, and we want to be informed before any medical procedure takes place.  

-I guess that leads me to why it is so important to me to have this informed consent. I believe that childbirth is a transformative event. I know there will be pain, and I know it will probably be the most pain I have ever endured, but I think that the pain will be a part of that transformative process. I will begin labor as a pregnant woman and end the process a mother. Labor pains will not be the only pains this child causes me. I know that my heart will break when my baby’s heart is broken someday; I know I’ll cry the day he/she goes to school. Labor is the start of a long, painful, wonderful, inspiring, life changing journey, so I think it is fitting that labor is all those things.

So here we are, waiting. Waiting and praying baby decides to come without intervention. I think I am feeling so many mixed feeling because I still feel good. I have some pains and aches etc, but nowhere near miserable. I’m happy where we are, I’m happy feeling this miracle kick my ribs.  I love that my baby responds to cold water, and is always more active when we are in church. I love that we have pictures of our baby smiling in the womb, and that smile came right after I said, “I love that baby so much already.” I love that my baby kicks the monitors during the non-stress tests and attempts to get as far away as possible. I love that little person within me so much already. I love it when Tyler talks to the baby. It has to be quite the sight to see, a grown man getting as close to my belly as possible and saying “Baby this is daddy, kick mom if you can hear me” or “Baby...Daddy…Baby…Daddy” (like he is introducing himself) or “There are several fish….”  I will miss all of these things. I’m sure that once my baby is in my arms I won’t even think of this part of the journey, but for right now I love it all.

Here are a few pictures! Warning--All of these photos have been pulled off my phone so they are not the best quality...but you get the idea.

Tyler doing "daddy" things...putting together swings :)

 

My wonderful friend Emma mailed us this onesie! I love it!

 

We were scheduled for a biophysical profile, and had an amazing ultrasound tech. She took a few 3D pictures for us. This was Cheeto at 34 weeks. I think the baby might have my nose (because as Tyler so kindly pointed out, my nose is "wider" than his), but I really can't decide on those beautiful lips!

This photo was taken right after I said "I love that baby so much already" The sweet tech said "O and baby loves you too Mama! Look at that smile!"

 

30 week update

We have made it to week 31. I’m honestly not sure how this happened. One day I was puking like crazy, now I’m thinking about packing the hospital bags. I have lists, lots and lots of lists. Lists to of things to purchase for baby, lists of things that aren’t for baby but need to be purchased or done before baby, lists of things for Tyler to do before the baby, and (my poor landlord) lists of things that Jose needs to do before the baby comes. Haha after all there are very few perks to renting a house, but one of them is that the landlord has to fix the things that are broken. Hopefully Tyler can convince Jose we need a few extra things done for the baby, that I don’t want to have to pay for, like painting the ugly zebra room and completing the fence in the back yard.

We have less than two months. I’m not sure how to respond. Sometimes I’m excited, sometimes I’m nervous. I’ve finally accepted that everything will not be perfect. We can’t afford to move right now, so this house we don’t really want to be in has to work. I keep telling myself that if we need to make sacrifices right now, we will reap the benefits in the future..meaning maybe one day we can actually purchase a house rather than bouncing around from rental to rental. Being a mother means making choices, even if those choices mean that I can’t buy the fancy new camera I wanted and instead will be spending the money on cloth diapers. I want to have the nursery done before the baby comes (what mommy doesn’t?)  and the simple fact is that it won’t be finished. My crib and dresser are in Iowa, my parents are going to bring it down when they come, but they aren’t coming until the baby arrives, so there is no way the nursery will be finished. It is as simple as that, it will not be completely finished. Tyler is wonderful and tries to remind me that the baby will not know that the nursery wasn't ready the moment he/she arrived home and that the baby will be in our room for the first few months anyway, but the hormonal pregnant lady inside me does not want to accept these facts. As the time gets closer I imagine that I will start to prioritize even more, making choices that are best for Cheeto and our little family.

Speaking of doing what is best for baby, I have an announcement. My name is Tia Stubbs and I have Gestational Diabetes. There I said it! I was diagnosed at 26 weeks, and have spent the last five weeks trying to manage and come to terms with it (meaning I was super embarrassed). I know that my weight probably played a role, which was frustrating because I was working so hard to eat right.  But I have since learned that women who are smaller than me have GD, and women who are larger than me don’t have GD. It’s about hormones (and while weight can play a factor, it is not the only factor). I of course didn’t know this right away so I felt like I failed, and I was failing as a mother. Then came the worries about what it is doing to the baby, what it will do to my birth plan. I decided to do what I had to do to take care of the baby, and I was bound and determined to control this without medicine. But then came the phone call from the dietitian who said the mystery doctor said that I had to take insulin at night. I was in Iowa during this time and my poor baby sister was home with me. She just gave me a hug and said it would be okay. Then I went to the Fort Dodge mall, where I cried, and then I saw my sister Shelby who asked why I was crying, which made me cry. I called Tyler (who was on a fishing trip) and cried. But in the end I decided I’ll do what is best for Cheeto. And that is what I’ve being doing since that tearful day. Each week I eat three meals and three snacks a day, test my blood four times a day, give myself a shot each night before I go to bed and avoid pretty much anything that makes me happy in terms of food (I will say that I do have cookies in moderation every once in awhile), but I can’t get that fasting number down and each week they increase my insulin. I’m tempted to start testing my blood in the middle of the night to see what is going on (if those test strips didn’t cost a dollar a piece I already would have started).  But I’ve decided I will do what is best for the baby, and hopefully I’ll still be able to have the delivery experience I desire.

Technically because of the GD I am high risk, which means I’ll have more frequent visits with my doctor then I would have if everything had been normal. I’ll meet him again on August 2 (where we will have an ultrasound to check the baby’s size), and then almost every week after that until the baby arrives. The doctor said that he would prefer not to induce me despite all the info floating out there in the cyber world that says that he should at 38 weeks. I was very happy that he didn’t seem bound and determined to induce. Instead he said we will go week by week.

Well that’s it I suppose for the 30 week update about our little one. I’m really enjoying pregnancy right now. I have all those lists and not one thing was accomplished this weekend. I just rested. I took naps and enjoyed feeling Cheeto kick away. Tyler decided our child is a fisheries biologist already and has started reading a fish management report to the baby, which the baby seemed to respond too! Tyler was resting his head near the baby and the baby was kicking so hard that Tyler could see my stomach move.

Here is our 30 week belly shot! 

Hello June!

Well another month has passed. The month of May was a blur. One minute I was seeing my beautiful baby on the screen and the next I’m back at the doctor’s office drinking the “cola” for the glucose test. This month I experienced my first, and most likely only truly relaxing, Mothers day. I was spoiled rotten. Tyler cooked the foods I wanted, rented movies I wanted to watch, and just encouraged me to relax. We went to the Tupelo Car show, we went fishing, we read books and we even met our doula!! I spent a week battling hand, foot, and mouth because twins share everything…especially germs! (I'm not sure if I have even mentioned it on the blog, but I babysit a set of twins everyday, one boy, one girl...a whole lot of energy!) I have to say, poor babies were troopers. They had blisters all over their feet, hands, face, knees, diaper areas, and they continued to smile (at times). It was a pretty tough week for everyone involved. I know the nights were tougher than the days so their daddy and mommy were pretty exhausted as well.

Now we are in June, greeting the 25^th week of pregnancy. We have 15 more weeks, although I’m mentally preparing for an October baby. My doctor said that he will let me go until October 1^st without monitoring (41 weeks), but on October 9^th if the baby hasn’t come we will get the process started. It’s weird to think about having an end date. I hope the baby comes when she/he is good and ready, but I really, really don’t want to be induced, so hopefully the baby is good and ready before October 9^th. Who knows maybe the baby will share an October 10^th birthday with her Auntie Shelby. I watch (ie rarely actually participate) in a online forum for September 2012 babies at the Baby Center web site, and one thread asked when do you “hope” your baby will come. (I will not get into a rant about how many mothers were hoping their babies would come at 36-37 weeks. One even said that it didn’t matter if the baby went to nicu for a week or two, it would be fine. What? Haha I better stop now…poor Tyler heard this rant long enough for everyone). Anyway the question got me thinking, I had a good friend who said “due dates are not birth dates,” and I completely agree. So if this pregnancy drags into almost mid-October and the baby and I are still healthy, then hopefully I’ll have the grace to be grateful for the fact my baby is still safe inside my womb.  

We are starting to prepare for the baby. Well we’ve been preparing for the birth for a while now, but we are continuing to learn about natural childbirth and getting physically, mentally prepared for labor etc. As I mentioned previously we found our doula, we are getting enrolled in a natural childbirth/breastfeeding course, and continuing to read. I’m sure people think I’m crazy, I’m constantly saying “I read in a book” or “The book said that would be a symptom.” I can’t help it I suppose. Beyond the birth, with the help of my mom/sisters/aunt/grandma we are starting to purchase things. We have always had a cradle. My uncle made a cradle for me when I was born. All five Barkley babies slept in the cradle, and now my little one will be using the cradle. We have a crib, and a ton of little gender neutral onesies (so contrary to many the opinions of many, our little one will not be naked because we did not find out the sex at the ultrasound).

My Mom has been picking out and picking up stuff all over for our little one, and there are no words to express how grateful I am that she is excited and already loves our baby as much as we do. To be honest, I haven’t been all that excited to buy things. We are working on controlling our finances, so walking into Babies R’ Us is intimidating and overwhelming. Does our baby need all those things? Even registering (my wonderful aunts and sisters are throwing us a shower!! We are blessed!) is scary. How do I pick? In my head I know, if I decided I don’t want those bottles I can return them and buy another brand, but I can’t help but worry I’m making an awful choice. Car seats, everyone says pick the one with the highest rating. Well, they all say they are top rated, and their prices vary drastically. Does that mean the $80 car seat is not as safe as the $200 car seat? Ahhh the ramblings of a pregnant mind. BUT with all that said…We are registering…TODAY! Even if Tyler and I both have a panic attack, we will be registered at the end of the day! Wish us luck, we may need it! 

Oh Goodness...

So Tyler has this ability to adapt. I think it is an admirable quality most of the time, but today I discovered he had moved beyond adapting to embracing. Everyone believes he has a southern accent, and he does somewhat, but most of it is show. He swears that the locals respond to him better if he speaks like them. I can handle that...plus it's kinda cute. But today in the car on the way to the dog park he was yelling at EmmyLou and said:

 "Well she done rernt my amish hat!"

He was not trying to be southern, it just came out of his mouth. We have officially been here too long...

20 Weeks

We are halfway there. In 20 more weeks (hopefully) we will meet our little one. I have so many emotions running through my body, so I keep thinking “I should blog” but then I just can’t. I’m not sure why I’m having such a hard time articulating all of these emotions, but I do want to update so I’ll start with the basics.

When I left off last I was optimistic about feeling better. Well…it took a little longer then I had hoped, but finally about week 18-19 I started to feel good. There were days that I puked 3-4 times, which means that at week 15 when I started puking once a day or every other day I about threw a party. These past couple weeks I have finally started to feel like eating again. After puking for four months it was hard to get used to the idea of enjoying food, but the appetite is back.

We’ve had two doctors appointments, both of which went well. At week 20 we were able to see our Cheeto again. This time our baby looked nothing like a cheeto. It was amazing to see our little one move around. I just stared at the screen. Without Tyler I think I would have walked out with a thousand questions and no answers. Luckily for me my husband was full of questions and had no problem asking the ultrasound tech. When it came time to check out the gender, we both looked away. Although Tyler swears it’s a girl because when we weren’t looking she was checking things out and actually printed a picture with the gender labeled: On our way out Tyler said, “Just because I shut my eyes doesn’t mean I shut my ears!” She definitely typed more than three letters, but she definitely typed more than four letters. In the end it doesn’t matter because we are still happy we didn’t find out the gender. I’m continually surprised by the individuals who are shocked by our choice. They want to know how we are going to plan, and how we are going to register for gifts etc. This past week Tyler worked a booth titled “The Ageless Angler” a booth encouraging senior citizens to fish (don’t worry before he left I told him not to flirt with too many ladies, I’m not sure what it is but older women adore Tyler! Haha) He ended up eating lunch with several of the conference attendees who asked him about his family etc. When he told them that we were waiting to find out the gender they loved it. And one of the ladies said she believes that the younger generation is too impatient, and missing half the fun. She told Tyler that once you find out the gender you’re not enjoying the pregnancy, you end up spending all your time planning for the baby. I don’t know if I entirely agree, but on some level it does make sense. We get so caught up in the next stage rather than enjoying the present, but with that said, I spend quite a bit of time planning or dreaming about our little one so I don’t know that not finding out the gender makes me enjoy the pregnancy any more than my friends who are expecting their own little ones.

If you were a fly on the wall during our ultrasound/appointment you would have heard the following:

Tyler: “Wow, look at that nose, must be yours”

Tia: “Hey I don’t have a big nose!” (which by the way…why I have lived my whole life and not one person has told me I have a big nose is beyond me. I had to wait until I was watching my beautiful baby on a screen with my husband of three years to discover that I have a big nose. Later Tyler wanted to clarify and say that my nose is not “big” it’s just...”wide.” hmmm sorry love, but those words mean the same thing! Don’t worry my mom assures me that I don’t have a big nose…lol

Tyler: “What is that?”

Tyler: “Is the baby scratching his head??”

Tia: “Yup, she’s your baby…already confused” said with a huge smile in complete jest of course.

Tyler: “Wow the baby looks like a chunk!”

Ultrasound Tech: “well…It looks like your baby weighs 12 oz”

Doctor: “We will check his blood type and if he is negative than we don’t have anything to worry about, unless you’ve been sneaking around on him” (I’m not sure why my doctor feels the need to make these kinds of jokes constantly, but I told Tyler he better not be a comedian in the delivery room, or I might kick him in the face)

Tyler: “Aw don’t give me pink! I have to go back to work! Don’t you have anything else?” He was begging the lady who took his blood to give him a bandage that wasn’t pink or purple, so we ended up with lime green. I had to remind him that we were in an OB-GYN office. They had to take his blood because I was rh negative, and he didn’t know if he was or not. Luckily, he is too! I had just accepted that I would be getting shots, but luckily we don’t have to worry about it!

 Without further ado…the beautiful, albeit alien looking, Baby S or as we affectionately call the baby Cheeto:

This isn't the best photo of Cheeto because it was taken with Tyler's phone. It's the photo hanging up in Daddy's office :)

Cheeto's hand and arm..it was really, really neat to see the fingers move

The sweet face..haha although it kind of looks scary at this angle

This may of have been when the baby was scratching his/her head.

Sweet little foot

The baby's leg all streched out!

 And although this is a struggle for me…here is a picture of the belly at 21 weeks. I don’t feel like I have a bump…I feel like I just look like I gained a bunch of weight.

O Baby!

We are embarking on a whole new adventure...parenthood! I found out I was pregnant on January 17. As I took the test I remained calm and had a steadfast peace as I gazed over at the test to see the positive symbol. I didn’t smile, I didn’t cry. I was at peace. I knew I had to tell Tyler, but wasn't sure how to tell him the exciting news. I decided to send him on a scavenger hunt. I was actually going to cook him a roast and make cookies for him anyway, but now the roast and cookies had a purpose. I spent all day cooking and cleaning. I text him and asked what time he would be home. When he responded 430 I got nervous, because the pregnancy test was starting to fade. I knew he wouldn’t believe that test. So I went to buy another one. I only had 8 dollars in cash, I thought it would be enough. I went to Dollar General first, but didn’t find one. So I went to the friendly neighborhood, tiny, grocery store. I found one test that cost 8.46. I didn’t have time to drive to Tupelo, so I knew I’d have to find change. Once I found the change, I had to figure out how to quickly grab the test, pay for the test, and leave the store before someone saw (I’m not sure why, but I was super embarrassed to be buying the test). Well the coast was almost clear, but then my neighbor walked by. Yup the only person I actually know in Guntown, walks by. Luckily she appeared to have no recollection of our previous conversations. I grabbed the test and practically ran to the counter. The cashier was a high school girl, who also appeared to be embarrassed by my purchase. Fully understanding the situation she shoved the test in the bag as quickly as possible while I paid for a pregnancy test with eight one dollar bills, four quarters, and some random change. Once I got home, I received  a call from Tyler saying he was 15 minutes away. I was nowhere near ready for him to be home. So I took the test, it was positive. I put clues for the scavenger hunt where they belonged and barely hoped into my hiding place (the shower) before LeRoy alerted the neighborhood that Tyler was home. The first clue was on the front door. It said, that I was hiding, but indulge me and don’t search for me until you are told too. It directed him to the fridge to grab a beer. Each clue had commentary about the previous clue, a bible verse, and a new clue.  I was shaking in the shower, trying not to laugh, trying not to cry. After being lead to a beer, cookies, and supper Tyler was instructed to go to the bathroom with the clue “Lucky Tiger.” The hair ointment was Tyler’s grandfathers signature product and reminds Tyler of his grandfather. In front of the Lucky Tiger was the bible verse from James 1 about every good gift and two positive pregnancy tests. He didn’t notice the tests, he was just confused. I opened the curtain and he had a huge smile saying “I found you!” When he finally noticed the tests, he was like how to you read these things then he said “I need another job.”

On Febuary 10^th we went to the doctor for the first time. I had no idea what to expect. I thought we would have a quick meeting with the doctor. We arrived around 830 and didn’t walk out the doors until 1130. They took my blood, I had a pap smear, I talked with Dr. Young, and I had an ultrasound. We were able to see the baby. I was staying relatively calm until I heard the most beautiful sound in the world, a heartbeat. A heartbeat coming from inside of me, I was humbled. A beautiful heartbeat. I was and am in love. I wish we could have listened longer, but we just heard the heartbeat for a few short seconds. Four weeks later I went back to the doctor and heard that beautiful sound again. The doctor let me listen longer then the ultrasound tech and assured me it is normal to cry. I found out I'm rh negative, so Tyler has to get his blood tested. I was nervous at first but my best friend, who by the way is going to be a brillant PA, assured me it is normal, lots of mommies and babies get the shots and are born normal and healthy.

I started feeling morning sickness around week 6. I didn’t throw up until week 7, but haven’t stopped. Week 9 was the worst, and it has slowly been getting better. I had a set back this weekend but I'm feeling better and looking forward to the second trimester!

Just Me and the Puppies!

So we don’t have TV. When we lived at Avalon, cable was included in the rent, so we had cable. When we moved to trailer we decided cable wasn’t worth the cost, so we didn’t have it installed. We survived . I like the basic channels. I don’t see any need for more than five channels. Well, we moved to Guntown and for some reason our tv does not pick up the basic five or six channels. In fact it will only, rarely, pick up FOX. At first we were so busy I didn’t notice. When we finally got settled and had time, Tyler and I started watching a movie after supper; the lack of the TV doesn’t really bother me. Correction didn’t really bother me. Tyler left for Biloxi yesterday, and our tv won’t come in. Combine this with the fact that I don’t feel well, and gosh I just wanta watch some junk TV. Instead I’m cuddled under the blankets with my crackers and some, and don’t ask me why, war movies. I’ve watched three movies about three different wars. On the positive side, Tyler being gone means that my puppies, especially EmmyLou, are super needy and cuddly, which is exactly what this sick girl needs!

So we’ve been in Guntown for almost two weeks. Cleaning the trailer was quite the experience. I knew it would be awful. I knew this because of several reasons, one of which was that when the previous tenant left he didn’t really clean. In his defense, we were already there, which complicated matters. The second and largest reason I knew it would be awful to clean is because I had an awful attitude the entire time we lived there. To be really honest, I knew it was best for us, but I didn’t want to live there. I didn’t like it, so I avoided cleaning. Yes, I would tidy up, but I didn’t scrub. I didn’t truly clean. And I paid the price. Blood, sweet, and tears went into cleaning the trailer. From start to finish the move took us weeks (we started moving things into the storage unit on December 12). But the bulk of the moving still took us five days. I’m not joking five days, but we did it all by ourselves. I was able to help carry absolutely everything we own out of the trailer and into the new house. Monday night was our last night in the trailer, unfortunately we underestimated the amount of items we had left, so it was going to take yet another Explorer full. Well, because we didn’t plan ahead we accidently packed our air mattress (the bed was long gone). Which meant that Tyler and I (oh and LeRoy) slept on our old, uncomfortable couch. We left the couch in the trailer to go to the dump, so it was the only thing we had left. I curled up at one end, Tyler reclined at the other and LeRoy, slept curled up next to me, which I didn’t mind because it was freezing! Which was yet another impact of our lack luster planning, we had one blanket.


So in honor of the trailer I want to list the things I miss and don’t miss

I miss the smell of the wood burning stove

I miss the outdoor space

I miss being able to look outside and see a pond

I miss the yard dogs, especially the dog we named Jerry who I almost brought with me to Guntown

I miss the quiet

I miss the crazy hot showers

I miss being so close to friends

I miss Mr. Bill calling me “girl” because I’m sure he didn’t remember my name.

I don’t miss the stove going cold in the middle of the night and waking up to a freezing cold home

I don’t miss the holes in the floor

I don’t miss doors that didn't latch when they shut

I don’t miss my crazy hot shower becoming ice cold because the hot water ran out in less than five minutes

I don’t miss beagles underneath the trailer barking up at my dogs, which had to respond with barking. I felt like I was trapped in a tin can.

We had great memories in the trailer, some bad (most of the bad were because of my bad attitude). There is no doubt in my mind we were meant to live in that trailer. I learned a lot about myself and my husband while we lived there. The trailer will always have a special place in our hearts, but I suppose we are on to other things now.

We are moving…yet again. We decided to rent a house from the man that Tyler replaced, despite the fact it was for sale. He offered us a great deal that we really couldn't pass up. We decided we would rent his home until it sold. Well unfortunately for us, it sold less than a week after we moved in. So we are going to start this process allllllllll over. Luckily things are mostly packed. We will leave a lot in our storage unit until we are settled. We are moving to Fulton, which is another small town outside of Tupelo. It will take Tyler 20 minutes to get to work, which is actually comparable to where we live now. Three bedrooms, one bath home in town, but has a big back yard and partial fence. It has some storage space outside. And a HUGE Magnolia tree in the front yard. The décor of the house varies. Some of the light fixtures and wall colors are very modern but the appliances are from the 1960’s. The bathtub is actually blue! When the landlord showed us the bathroom he said “Welcome to the 60’s” and he meant it!

2011

Holy Cow! It has been a LONG time! Life got busy and the blog suffered. But have no fear! I am back! So I thought I'd start the year by blogging about our goals. Last year our goals were: 1) Tyler finish his Masters program successfully
2)Tia finish her Masters program successfully
3) Pay off Tia’s credit card, and start paying off Tyler’s credit card
4) Live healthier
5) Lose 60 pounds
6) Grow closer to God and one another
7) Tyler get a job!

So we accomplished four of seven of our goals. We struggled with our weight (which has gotten worse) and our finances (which obviously gets worse). BUT we did accomplish over half of our goals so I’m hopeful for 2012!

Our goals for 2012 include:

1)      Grow Closer to God and each other

2)      Tia get a job

3)      Pay off ALL credit card debt

4)      Start to live healthier, which includes going to the needed doctors and eating properly

5)      Lose 60 pounds

6)      Mail birthday cards to our close family and friends

7)      Purge positions

8)      Eating out only once a week or less

I believe these are all possible! So here we go…a new year, a new home, a new town, and a new life which includes self-discipline with our finances and our health.

So here is the Stubbs Family 2011 in Review:

2011 has been an extremely intense year. Tyler and I have experienced so much joy, but we have felt deep sorrow. Brantley preached one Sunday morning discussing the importance of courage. Throughout the year I have clung to that word “courage.” It took courage to complete our degrees, it took courage to keep going when the pain was so deep we didn’t know if we could move forward.

Our year began with Tyler and I starting the last year of grad school. If the year had one title it would be “the year of the thesis.”  So he began to write his thesis meeting various deadlines for his professor, while attempting to find a job.  We started the year right, and had a few friends down to visit for a few days. Brittney and Jason  came down so Brittany could show Premier Jewelry to my Mississippi Friends, but Tyler and I just enjoyed their company. While their visit was short, it was extremely productive. Brittany and I had quality time together that I missed, and desperately needed.

This year brought the death of two very special people. Connie Thomson, Tyler’s aunt, and James D. Stubbs, Tyler’s grandfather both passed away from cancer. Connie’s death came after an intense, courageous battle. Connie was Dyanna’s only sister, and felt maternal love for Tyler. She welcomed me into their family, and was always willing to tease Tyler, often with my help. While my families are both huge, Tyler’s family is small, him being one of four grandkids, so he was very close to his aunt. She even traveled six hours north to watch him graduate from SDSU a few years ago.

We lost Tyler’s grandfather on my 24^th birthday on the 24^th day of November, which happened to be Thanksgiving. Six weeks earlier, Tyler received the devastating phone call that his grandfather was being sent home to receive hospice care in his home. A week before that Jim felt ill, but no one suspected the outcome of his hospital visit. Tyler’s father paid to fly Tyler home to be with his grandfather because at that point Jim was told he had a few days to a few weeks. I was unable to visit, but Tyler spent two days pouring his heart out at his best friend’s bed side. Tyler was able to express his love for his grandfather and his grandfather told him how much Tyler had meant to him. . Back down south I was praying and crying, praying and asking others to pray with me. My bible study leader prayed with me and said God told her to comfort us and said “He has shown you how to live, and now he will show you how to die.”

We realized that Thanksgiving was going to be Jim’s last holiday so when Tyler’s father offered to pay for us to travel to Iowa, we felt blessed. On our way there we received the call that Jim was getting bad, and we needed to hurry home. Tyler and I arrived around 9:30 on the 23^rd. Tyler went to his grandfather and told him “I’m here” and his grandfather squeezed his hand. We went home to rest around 12:30 thinking we would spend Thanksgiving with Jim the following day.

On November 24^, 2011 around 2:30 am James D. Stubbs passed away in his sleep holding the hand of his wife of 56 years.

The following days were hard. While our hearts were breaking we felt blessed to know he is now in Heaven. There is no doubt Jim no longer feels any pain. There is no doubt he heard those beautiful words “Well done Good and Faithful Servant.”

Tyler decided to speak at the funeral. I wasn’t surprised, I knew how much his grandfather meant to him, but I was still I knew how hard it would be to stand in front of a crowd and control his emotions. Tyler planned his speech focusing on the best attributes of his grandfather including loyalty and hard working. Some of my favorite comments were his on their marriage. Tyler and I want to be married 56 years, if not longer, and his grandparents have given us a blueprint. Tyler told the congregation about his grandfather’s faithful walks to Casey’s to buy cappuccinos and his endless search for gifts for Bonnie. I will always remember their playful banter and the way he smiled at her when she requested something right after he sat down. Tyler’s speech made everyone bawl and he showed such courage standing up there. Yes he was emotional, but everyone knew he would be. He was witty starting with “I’ll try to keep this short, but if I don’t remember it was inherited.” After his speech everyone was so proud, including his grandmother who told him he did a great job. Tyler continues to hear around town that he did a great job.  I just sat there and prayed he would be able to make it all the way through his speech. I believe that he said things that planted seeds in several hearts that hopefully one day will lead those individuals closer to God.

While there has been heartache, there has also been joy. I was able to celebrate with my friend Courtney as she became Mrs. Behrens. I met her husband Brady for the first time when I arrived at the rehearsal, but their love story is inspiring. It was an honor to be a part of their special day in March.

In April Tyler was given the highest award given by the College of Forest Resources for graduate students. It was nice to see that beyond his professor and beyond his department the college noticed his contribution to the university. I, unfortunately, did not witness him receiving his award because I was taking a final, during a tornado, but loved watching him hang up his award in his mancave.

In July Tyler started working for the Mississippi Department of Wildlife, Fisheries, and Parks. He was planning on working down in Jackson in January. But he was promoted!!! So now we are moving to Tupelo, which fun fact is the birthplace of Elvis. Tyler is the biologist for the Northeast region or Division 1. He covers 19 counties, and manages two employees. He is still adjusting because he started the new job in December. We are moving to Guntown, yes Guntown, so he will have less than an hour commute. So far he loves his job, we both feel truly blessed that he has a job in this economy.

As the year ends Tyler and I have many reasons to believe that 2012 will be a great year. We ended the year celebrating our graduations, ahhh finally, and had a wonderful Christmas with our families. We made a quick trip home, three days, to be with family, with the help of family. We were able to see immediate family and all of our grandparents. I hope to go home sometime in May/June with a quick trip in March. So it won’t be long before we are back with our families.