Welcome Margaret Lynn

On Friday, May 20^th, I had a doctor’s appointment and as I was waiting, the contractions changed. They started to move lower in my abdomen. They didn’t really hurt, but they were very noticeable. When I left the appointment, I had to go to Wal-Mart for a few things, which was frustrating with my contractions. When I got home, I tried to read, but the contractions continued so I went to rest. All of the contractions I had throughout the third trimester had always gone away after resting. I slept most of the afternoon (A huge perk of having my brother staying with us—naps!). When Tyler got home, the contractions were still there, but again—not that intense. After supper they started to be more frustrating, so when Alice went to bed, I laid down to try to rest. The contractions were becoming more intense when I laid down. Around 11:00 I got out of bed and shared with Tyler that I thought these might be real. I lost a piece of my mucous plug, so I started gathering some items for the hospital bag. As I started to get a little stressed about if this was “it” or not, Tyler said—lets go to bed. He reminded me that we could have a long night ahead so we needed sleep. Before we laid down, I text Whitney to let her know that I was having contractions in case I needed to contact her in the middle of the night. It was difficult for me to fall asleep. The contractions were definitely like waves. I could feel the peak. I was not timing the contractions, but I had decent breaks between each one so I didn’t feel too worried. Eventually I fell asleep. I know I woke up a few times in the middle of a contraction and wondered if I needed to get out of bed, but I couldn’t convince myself to get up.

When we woke up at 6:00, we decided that Tyler would not go to work in case this was the real deal. We stayed in bed timing the contractions until 8:00. They were 7-9 minutes apart. I let Whitney know and she asked if I wanted her to come. I said that I still wasn’t sure. At 8:00 I decided I wanted breakfast, so we got up. As soon as we got up, I could feel a difference. They were getting more intense. I was getting more intense. Alice Mae wanted to kiss and hug my pain away, and I wanted to be alone. I was having a hard time concentrating while AM was near and she was confused. I told Tyler that I wanted to go to the hospital. I called Whitney and asked her to meet us at the hospital rather than the house. As Tyler packed our bags and a cooler of food, I used the counter to sway through contractions that were getting more intense all the time.

Before we left, Alice Mae brought me her Aurora doll. She said “She is to remind you that you are brave and strong.” I hung on to those words throughout the rest of the labor. On the drive I had three contractions, so they were about a minute long and coming every three minutes. We arrived at the hospital at 10:30 am. The check in was very fast and before I knew it was in the assessment room. I had to lay down to be monitored and checked. When the nurse checked I was 3-4 cm and completely effaced. It was very difficult to relax while on the assessment table. They tried to place the hep-lock. Tyler held my hand through the contractions. I was having an increasingly difficult time relaxing through the contractions. I wanted to tense my stomach muscles. I wanted to hold my breath. Whitney and Tyler both gently reminded to me to relax and to breath. When we moved to the delivery room, Tyler helped me change into my gown. At this point the nurse said she would be back at 11:30 to check the baby’s heart rate and try the hep-lock again. So for the next 20 minutes, I leaned on Tyler during contractions and Whitney did hip squeezes which really helped. They were giving me a lot of positive affirmation. I remember Whitney sharing with me that “These contractions are not too strong. Those muscles are your muscles. Labor can’t be stronger than you because it is you," and“You can do this—you are doing this.” At 11:30 the nurse returned and I returned to the bed. They tried to place the hep-lock, but my veins kept blowing. Dr. Whittle came to see me at this point. He was so calm and gentle “Well T—it looks like we are going to have a baby today.” They finally got the hep-lock placed when the nursery nurse came in and tried. I guess I have difficult veins.

After being monitored, Whitney started the bath. As I got in the water, my muscles relaxed. Tyler stayed with me and helped me through the contractions. After a few minutes, I had to get out to go the bathroom. As soon as I sat on the toilet, my water broke in the toilet. It was powerful. I got back into the tub and continued to try to relax through contractions. While I was in the tub, the nurse came in to check the baby’s heart rate--which I really appreciated because it meant I did not have to climb back on the bed and be strapped to a monitor. After 10-15 minutes, I felt like I had to the bathroom again. I demanded Tyler help me out of the tub and onto the toilet. He asked “do you want privacy?” I sternly shouted “No!” As I sat on the toilet, I reached down between my legs because there was pressure and felt my baby’s head. I looked up at Tyler and said “Something is coming out of me!” He looked shocked and said “Well what else could it be!?” I stood up and he helped me to the bed. Little did I know Whitney had been outside the door, and she went to get Dr. Whittle when she heard me say something was coming out of me.  Before I knew it, I was on the bed surrounded by Tyler, Whitney and Alisha as well as Dr. Whittle. Dr. Whittle said “you can push whenever you want” and finally I could use that tension and push. I just wanted the pain to be over. After I pushed I could feel her head slide out—Dr. Whittle said “I need you to push this baby’s shoulders out.” With the next contraction I pushed her body out. It was very quick. She was placed right on my chest.

I didn’t tear. She latched beautifully. And wouldn't you know it--that darn hep-lock blew during the labor! Recovery was much less painful than my last birth. Immediately following the birth, I still felt a little scared of the intense pain. Now that I have had time to reflect, I feel empowered by Margaret’s birth. Her birth really started with picking a doctor I trusted and a doula who I felt would help me overcome my fear. As labor started, my best decision was trusting Tyler. He truly was my partner through it all, and I will never forget the look on his face when he said he was proud of me. 

Then and Now

So many things to say—where do I even start? Do I try to catch up? Or do I just jump in with where we are now? Maybe a little of both!

Catching up: I spent the entire summer (May-July 15) in Iowa because of my brother’s wedding and my other brother’s graduation (Both events were AMAZING! I am beyond proud of both them!). A few days before I was planning on heading home, I ended up in the ER with a severe Gallbladder attack. I had been having these for months on months, but this one was too much for me to handle. Long story short—the gallbladder was taken out and Tyler came to get me around the middle of July. My sister Marydith stayed with us for a few weeks and helped us move from our glorious little palace with the bathroom door that wouldn’t shut to a new house in the country in between Tupelo and Starkville. We needed to move because I am now teaching full-time at Mississippi State, and I was not going to drive an hour every day.

Where we are now: Learning to adjust to our new life—I know it has been at least two, almost three months, but we are still working on it. I had never taught full-time, Alice had never been in daycare, Tyler had never had a wife that worked full-time (that sounds nuts, but it is true). Our house is a mess and most days we are just trying to make it the next day. Its ugly at time, but right now it is us. I know that this phase in our lives shall pass. We will adjust…eventually.

Because I can't post without a picture of this sweet cutie--

This was taken at the beginning of May

Taken a few weeks ago after her 1st birthday! (Sorry for the poor quality of the pictures--the cellphone pictures

A Girl and her Dog(s)

So, lots of people have asked, "How are the dogs adjusting?" Because our dogs were our first babies, I wasn't sure how they would respond. I knew to a certain extent that LeRoy would be calm and EmmyLou would be crazy, but I didn't know how they would welcome the newest member of our little "pack."

Meeting (and licking) Alice for the first time

Getting in trouble for licking the baby

Loving on Alice (btw Alice looks so tiny in these pictures!)

Sitting pretty next to her baby

The first few days we took it really slow. Actually we didn't have EmmyLou interact with Alice at all, and LeRoy was kept at a distance. Eventually we were able have Alice and EmmyLou co-exist in the same world. Mostly, LeRoy ignored Alice. He was visibly concerned when she was crying, especially if we were not quick to correct the issue. EmmyLou seemed to think that Alice belonged in the swing (especially if Tyler was holding Alice) and would pace back and forth as if she was reminding Tyler to put the baby in the swing.

After a few months, there was a shift in both the dogs. It was as if they realized she was here to stay, and they were feeling a little shoved to the side. They would both (LeRoy typically avoids this type of social interaction) would come lay next to me when I was nursing. They both acted like they were starving for attention jumping and barking when we would come into the house.

This is typically where LeRoy can be found. Darn dog destroyed our blinds--so I took photographic evidence to show Tyler the damage. I was not amused. 

EmmyLou trying to interact with Alice

LeRoy decided to cuddle while Alice was nursing...this arrangement did not last long. LeRoy moved back to his post at the window.   

Now that it has been 5 months, they both have calmed down. Generally a few times a day LeRoy will mosey  on over to her and if she reaches out to touch him he will allow it and lick her hand. He isn't very fond of her touching him, but doesn't seem to mind if she does grab him if he is the one who initiates the contact. You can tell that Alice loves these interactions. She knows where to "find" him--at the window (gotta watch for those pesky cats and squirrels) and will generally turn to that window whenever she is able. She giggles and smiles when he licks her hands; however, she doesn't seem to like him (or EmmyLou) licking her face (understandable, I don't like it when they do that to me either, so I try to make sure that they aren't able to do it). EmmyLou moves too fast for Alice to enjoy interaction with her, so mostly she tries to move her face fast enough to stop EmmyLou from licking her. EmmyLou loves Alice...a little too much and is not allowed out when Alice is on the floor, which makes logistics in the house hard.

Grabbing a handful of puppy hair

Hanging out during floor time

 I love this series of photos I took when I was trying to take pictures of Alice in her "Auntie Forever" top from Aunt Shelby--

LeRoy slowly works his way into the picture

Getting a little closer...

Licking her hand...

Checking out her feet....

Now he is headed towards the mouth...

I guess he just wanted to see what was going on in there...and she (this time) gladly opened up to let him see

LeRoy is very protective of Alice and there will be no "crying it out" in this house. The other night we had put Alice down and after an hour or so she started fussing. She wasn't awake, but just fussing. LeRoy did not like it and was not pleased with our reaction. When she started fussing he perked up and looked at us. When neither of us moved to go get her, he stared and eventually got up and went to the hallway and whined at us. She settled back down and fell back to sleep. Later she started fussing again, LeRoy decided to take matters into his own hands (or..I suppose paws)--we were not handling the situation to his standards--so he pushed his way into the bedroom. When the door opened she stopped crying and fell back to sleep. haha silly parents have no idea how to handle the baby crying...

This girl loves her puppy--and her puppy loves her! 

Teething...

You know you're the mommy to a cranky teething baby when you see her playing contentedly and think "Oh good. Hopefully I can do the dishes before she notices that I'm not in the room!"

sigh. I wish these teeth would break through! Maybe this is my punishment for lamenting the sweet gummy smile I'm going to miss when the teeth finally do come through...

Playing with her football from her Aunt Barb. The ISU football was picked out by cousins Justin and Ryan! It has been helpful recently because it distracts her long enough for us to change her diaper! haha

Chewing on Daddy's phone--good thing it is waterproof!

Laying in her crib, in her own room for the first time--she wasn't too sure about the situation. She hasn't actually slept in the crib yet....Mommy isn't too sure about that situation yet...lol

Mommy's happy girl. I love that sweet smile! 

DAH DAH!

So, for a while now my sweet girl has been “talking.” Haha Not too surprising considering her Dad can get a brick wall to engage in a conversation. She loves to babble and ooooohhhh. She has started to mimic us, and will happily reply what sounds like “hey” when we say it to her. Listening to her talk to herself has to be the sweetest sounds to wake up too. This happy little girl is so content to just have a conversation with herself, and it brings me so much joy to hear her happy noises.

Recently, she has started adding a “d” sound to those babbles. Naturally the sound that comes out of her mouth is “dah dah.” Ugh. I have to admit it makes me a little sad. Obviously, this is not her first word. She has absolutely no idea what she is saying, but it does sting a little when we finish a long nursing session and she starts babbling “dah dah dah.”

Tyler loves her new skill. He responds to her when she babbles and just eats up her “calling” for him. Unfortunately, his joy at hearing “dah dah” was dampened slightly this morning. At 5:30am she was babbling away, but was getting a little frustrated she was still in the pack n play, so she was getting louder and louder. It wasn’t long before I heard a forceful “DAH DAH DAH.” Haha Don’t worry, I didn’t hesitate. I nudged Tyler and let him know, “She is calling for you, Dad.”  Ahhhhh a little more sleep for me J

Parenting philosophy meet my new friend...Reality

I cannot believe I’m saying this…but if you had to label me as a parent..I would be considered “crunchy.” I guess I would be crunchy because we cloth diaper, babywear, exclusively breastfeed, attempt to recycle and reuse whenever possible. I did not set out to join this group of mommies, not that there is anything wrong with being a crunchy mommy, I just set out to do what was best and most natural for us. I cloth diaper because it saves us money and Alice’s bum seems to do better using cloth diapers and wipes. I wear her because I want her close and she seems happier in her carrier than the carseat. I breastfeed her because it is the most nutritious and cost-effective way to feed her. I haven’t started solids because she is not ready (I know…I know…I could keep trying and eventually get her to eat..but why? She has her entire life to eat solids). I wanted to be selective and knowledgeable about her shots because, well, she is a little bitty individual and the drugs are made to protect the masses.

All of these things are good, but I have had to face the reality that even if I want to be as true to myself and do what comes most natural to us—I might not be able too. For instance, I was planning on studying the vaccines and delaying the some of the shots when we went in for her 2 month check-up. Unfortunately, the reality was we had spent a week in the hospital and I was scared. I did not know what was next for my baby and I wanted her covered for as much as possible as quickly as possible if we were going to be in and out of doctors’ offices (where the sick babies go). 

Now that we are on antibiotics I am once again facing reality. Antibiotics have a tendency to give Alice a yeast infection which has to be treated with a cream, which you are not supposed to use on cloth diapers. Ugh. That same yeast infection appears in mouth in the form of thrush, which makes breastfeeding difficult. Alice hates to take the medicine—hates, hates, hates it. She oozes it out, she gags it out, she pukes it out, basically she will do anything/everything possible to get it out.  Because of this, I might have to try to give her some cereal with the medicine mixed in…which means she will not be exclusively breastfed for six months like I had hoped she would be.

In the end, she will be fine. If my ideas about parenting are not always compatible with our reality, it will be fine. After all, my goal is to do and be as natural as possible for the three of us. Sometimes what is natural for us changes from day to day. These antibiotics are now a part of our lives and we have to find a way to make it work for us.

Alice is thinking about this cloth diaper thing...how cute is that blue diaper?!

Who says that Alice won't put anything in her mouth but Mama?! I had to document her deciding to put her teether in her mouth because up to this point she was rejecting everything that wasn't Mom. 

Alice thinks that tummy time is a lot better when you get to stare at a pretty little girl in a mirror. 

Look at that talent!! 

Test Results--and Valentines Day Cutie!

Two weeks after we left the hospital, we found ourselves back in the building, but this time we were in the outpatient offices. Alice was getting a VCUG, or a test to make sure her urinary system was working properly. That morning was awful. I told my Dad that I wasn’t nervous about the results, but I was nervous about the test. For some reason I didn’t think anything would be wrong, but I wanted to do the test to make sure. I was more worried about putting Alice through the test. First, she couldn’t eat after 5 am. This girl eats all-the-time. I knew this would be hard on her. So I woke her up at 4:00 and 4:45 to eat before I cut her off for the morning. Poor baby was getting super irritable. We waited in three waiting rooms before we were in the testing room, where the sweet x-ray tech told me she had no idea why they said she couldn’t eat. I had been starving my baby…and I didn’t have to be?!  

They had to use a catheter to shot dye into her bladder to take x-rays.  The x-rays showed that she has bilateral kidney reflux, which means that each of her ureters allows urine to reflux back into her kidneys. This can, and does, cause damage to the kidney when a child has a UTI. So, in essence the UTI was a bigger deal than I realized. Too much damage, leads to failure. Obviously, we are not to that point. We discovered her reflux before there could be much, if any, damage.

So—this discovery meant we had to see a specialist. On her four month birthday (I told Tyler we are lucky she is too young to know that we suck and that this is an awful birthday celebration) we went to Memphis to Le Bonheur’s Children’s Hospital to meet with an Urologist. He was great. It was an answer to our prayers that we immediately trusted him with our sweet girl. He confirmed her diagnosis. She has a grade 1 reflux on the right and a low grade 5 on her left (The reflux is measured in grades from 1 being low and 5 being the highest). He explained that her ureters are not connected to the bladder in the correct position, which allows the urine to move back into the bladder. This probably happened in the womb in between 15-18 weeks.  There is a 35% chance that any other children Tyler and I have will also have kidney reflux.

The plan—We walked away with a plan. We are going to give her daily antibiotic to avoid UTIs. At a year we will re-do that awful test. There is a 50% chance that there will be improvement. If there is no improvement, there will likely never be improvement and she will need surgery. If there is improvement, then we have a choice to make…more antibiotics and retest when she is two or surgery. If it is not corrected itself by the time she is four, it will most likely not improve (but I am not holding a four year old down for that test!)  Her doctor said that he believes in allowing only one break through infection, and then it is surgery time. He said he has a 99% success rate, and that babies do extremely well with the surgery. It takes two hours and she would need to stay in the hospital for a few days.

Those are the technical answers. There are so many emotions floating around. I feel mad that she has to go through this. I feel blessed that she has no kidney damage and we know what to watch for infections. I feel hurt that my baby has an imperfection and that God is allowing us to go through this. I feel like I am not mature enough to make these choices. But overall, I just want to hold my precious girl close and keep all pain away from her and I know that I have to face the reality that I can’t. I was hoping to protect her from pain for a long time. I try to be attentive to her cries, she doesn’t cry it out. Mama is never far. Unfortunately, no matter how close I hold her--No matter how many times I comfort her during the night or hold her through her naps; I have to force that antibiotic, which she hates, down her throat. I have to take her to Memphis in September and put her through that test again. I have to decide if she needs surgery, which is more pain and confusion. Sigh.  For all my whining and complaining, I do trust God with my baby, and I continually remind myself that this is not something to worry about, just something to pray about.

Now that all that yucky stuff is out of the way—check out this cutie! Mommy took a bunch of photos, and these are some of the cutest!